Be warned. There's a dangerous new "game" going around on Facebook. Just like the meme where you put the color of your bra in your status update, this is intended to somehow raise awareness about breast cancer among women and as an added bonus, drive men crazy wondering what the heck all the ladies are talking about. Fun!
Except, not.
I just spent the past 20 minutes in a tailspin of anxiety and jealousy after seeing a good friend's update that she was "6 weeks and craving Skittles." I couldn't believe it. She's pregnant again?! She said she was done having kids. Did she seriously get pregnant without even trying? At her age? And THIS is how she tells me? I was hurt that she hadn't broken the news to me privately, but even more stunned and appalled at the audacity of a woman over 40 to publicly announce her pregnancy so early in the first trimester - doesn't she know the odds?
I replied to her post, succinctly expressing my shock and disbelief: "???"
She sent me a private message explaining the game: you post an update saying, "I am ___ weeks and craving ____" Fill in the first blank with the number that correlates to your birth month, and the second one with a candy that matches your birth day, according to the handy chart provided. For instance, if today were your birthday you would post: "I'm 13 weeks and craving Starburst."
The message said this would raise awareness about breast cancer and included the warning "DO NOT tell any males what the status' mean, keep them guessing" and yes, the grammatical error irritates me almost as much as the thought that it's somehow funny to encourage non-pregnant women to post updates implying pregnancy.
Perhaps I'm being a self-absorbed infertile again. Maybe only someone who has known the pain of infertility and miscarriage would fail to find the humor in pretending to be pregnant. Probably there are a lot of girls out there, posting this status and LOL-ing hysterically when their boyfriends read it and freak out.
But can someone please tell me what, exactly, this has to do with breast cancer? The bra-color thing was harmless enough, and while one could argue that it did little to actually combat the disease, at least the connection between bras and breasts is obvious. But this? I just don't see it.
Also, we want to raise awareness but only among half the population? We should keep men "guessing" about this disease that affects their mothers, sisters, friends and wives? This game fails miserably as a call to action against breast cancer but succeeds brilliantly as a painful reminder to infertile women of their reproductive inadequacies.
Breast cancer is a cruel and vicious disease. It's taken the life of my aunt and my BFF's mother and millions of other vibrant and amazing women. But instead of posting a Facebook update that taunts all the brave warriors desperately battling infertility, I'm going to make a donation to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.
Thanks for writing this - I completely agree with you. I haven't seen this one all over the place this year so I'm hoping that means lots of people realize how ridiculous it is.
ReplyDeleteI fell for this today as well. First thing this morning BEFORE MY 2 HOUR DRIVE TO THE INFERTILITY DOCTOR my 18 year old neices status is 8 weeks and craving mints from jade SMILEY FACE! So I had to ponder this all the way to my appointment. I am glad you cleared it up for me but talk about *&%$$$%*%#@! insensitive! My own niece should have known better than to post that. ADKwmn
ReplyDeleteADK- Argh! So sorry you had to see that today of all days!!
ReplyDeleteAnony - I hope you're right and this doesn't catch on, but I'd never seen it before and then it showed up on three different friends' feeds today.
Someone didn't have their "thinking cap" on...
ReplyDeleteI participated, and I apologize - it never occurred to me that those with reproductive challenges would find the game insensitive. However, I would take issue with you on one point: the idea behind only having women participate is, I believe, to remind the women in your life to do their self exams and if necessary, schedule their yearly checkups/mammograms. Obviously no one with half a brain cell believes that this will "help" with breast cancer research or the like, but it may put a reminder in some women's heads that they should take care of their breast health. For that reason alone I put my status up there and forwarded the message. Again, I apologize for the perceived insensitivity, and I applaud you for your donation. Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteI totally get the importance of reminding women to do self-exams and mammograms, but I still think it's silly to limit the message only to women. Most men have women in their lives, and we should be spread the word to them too, and encourage them to ask their mothers, wives, etc.. if they've been tested. This whole "shh, don't tell the boys" attitude kind of supports the belief that breast cancer is somehow embarrassing or shameful, instead of something that we should all be able to talk about openly. But thanks for your thoughtful response and good wishes.
ReplyDeleteThank you for explaining why, all of a sudden, so many of my FB friends were pregnant. I don't like any of these games.
ReplyDeleteI found it completely mystifying and annoying. And I am fairly certain that my one friend's Mom is going to be furious when she thinks she is going to be a grandma again and was not told personally. If you want to help someone with breast cancer GO ACTUALLY HELP THEM. I took a semester off college and moved in with my grandma when she had cancer to go places with her and run errands and cook and clean. It was very meaningful and a time I will always treasure. And since many classmates wondered where I went and saw how cancer can impact an entire family, does a lot more for awareness than some stupid game. I am all ranty now.
ReplyDeleteCelia - Thanks for reading and ranting! The story of how you helped your grandma is inspirational, touching and a perfect example of how to really spread awareness and ACTUALLY make a difference in a cancer patient's life. Kudos to you.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of this blog is the title. To me... that above all else show's the insensitivity of this ridiculous "game." I wish you the most luck possible in your journey to motherhood. I would suggest adopting. I have three people in my life who chose adoption and went on to become pregnant within a year. Two kids? BONUS. And another two who did not become pregnant but do still get to enjoy some pretty great kids that they would have lived their lives with out. I hope I havent offended you. I fully support your blog and your opinion. Good luck again.
ReplyDeleteMae - Thanks for your comments and support. We haven't ruled out adoption yet, but we have to see this journey through to the end before we start thinking about that one. Thank you for the good luck wishes!
ReplyDeleteExcellent post. I agree with you entirely. I ended up calling a friend at 6 a.m. after reading his wife's status that said "13 weeks and craving chocolate chip cookies" and asked him why he hadn't told me what was going on. My wife is pregnant, so it seemed odd he would hide his wife's pregnancy. Funny thing was, he was as shocked as me. He had to call me back after spending a good bit of time figuring out what was going on. Suffice it to say it wasn't funny or informative. Unless you count learning that the people behind these memes have about as much foresight as a the average doorstop.
ReplyDeleteJohn - Thanks so much for commenting and showing us that this game is unfunny and insensitive even to people who aren't experiencing infertility. Like I keep saying: just about the only thing pregnancy and cancer have in common is that it is NOT FUNNY to joke about having either one.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I see this new Facebook status I comment on it with a link to this blog. I suggest others do it too and maybe you'll have the ability to stop this foolish insensitivity!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for linking to my blog....this post has been viewed over 1,000 times so far (!!!), and there's lots of other cool chicks out there blogging on this subject, so hopefully the word is spreading and this nonsense will end soon. Although it just came up in my feed again this afternoon, so I guess it's not quite over yet...
ReplyDeleteI am a guy who has a wife who cannot get pregnant. I first found out about this when my sister posted: "I'm 2 weeks and craving Skittles." My response to her was You're 2 weeks what? She did not answer so I asked again a little more sternly. Then today my wife posted, something similar. Knowing she cannot get pregnant I asked what this B.S. is all about. she explained it to me.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Wren,while I see and agree with your side of it, there is another side I have a concern about. The stress this is causing families, not because of infertility, but because of the potential for unwanted pregnancy. Especially if the father of a 16 year old teenage girl sees what his daughter posted: "I'm (blank) weeks and craving (blank)". Imagine that father going into a rage over this because her boyfriend is a very bad influence for his daughter and he thinks the worst. Now imagine he takes his rage out on the boyfriend and kills him over it, without confronting his daughter about it first. Then when he does confront his daughter she actually explains to him what it actually means. By then it is too late. There is a dead teenage boy and both families are ruined all because of a stupid internet secret/joke to keep men guessing.
The women who did this and continue to perpetuate it did not think this through 100% If something like above happens any the women who started this and those that continue it should be held, at least in part responsible, or at least feel responsible.
Hi Jonathan - thanks for pointing out yet another danger of this "game." I hadn't even thought of it from that perspective. It's not too hard to imagine a scenario like the one you described. I agree with Flygirl above - whoever came up with this idea obviously didn't think it all the way through.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that a silly game has offened so many people! Canccer is a terrible disease but many of you out there are very wrong that breast cancer ONLY affects WOMEN, thousands of MEN also suffer with this dreaded disease called breast cancer so if anything we as women should let them in on the "secret" of this game so they too can FIGHT this disease with a littke humor and remind ALL of our friends and family top do their monthly and yearly checks for CANCER!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are right, men get breast cancer, too - admittedly far less often than women but it happens. EVERYONE should be reminded to do self-checks and that's supposedly part of the awareness that this "game" claims to raise -- but does the email that explains the game say ANYTHING about self-exams or mammograms? No. At least not the version I saw. If we want to encourage people to do self-exams in a cute and provocative manner that gets attention, why not post an update saying something like: "I touched myself today."
ReplyDeleteI actually understand both sides of this. In my mid thirties I experienced infertility and after many tests and treatments now am blessed with 2 beautiful children - but was in agony as I watched friends, family and strangers with newborn babies as I was unable to conceive for years.
ReplyDeleteThen came my 40th birthday and my baseline mammogram and I was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive breast cancer. I had a 2 year old and a four year old - how was it possible with zero family history.
I am happy to say 4years post surgery, chemotherapy and radiation I am supportive and understanding of both very personal and trying medical issues.
The key is never loose hope! I am living proof of that.
Anonymous - Wow, what a story! Thanks for sharing it. You are an inspiration to us all. Congratulations on beating both cancer AND infertility. You, my dear, are a WARRIOR! Best wishes to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I know I may get shot down for this but I don't agree with you. It's only a game. It's not intended to do anything other than raise awareness amongst women. It's not meant to offend the infertile, it's not meant to cure cancer, and it has actually had thousands of women and especially young girls who never thought about it before, posting for a laugh but then thinking about it and as a result, checking their own breasts. It's reached people on a different level because an advert on tv or in the paper just isn't as personal and 9 times out of 10 are not even noticed, especially by teenagers but this has been. And it's worked, as have it's predecessors. If this gets people checking their breasts it could save lives.
ReplyDeleteNow i'm sorry about your fertility problems, you have my deepest sympathies and I know what it's like to lose a much wanted child. I can see how this game could affect you but so also do strangers in the street with babies, pregnant women on the bus, friends and relatives bragging about their pregnancy or children. Even pictures in newspapers, a nappy advert, yes I know, i'm a woman but none of these things can be stopped either. When you want a baby that badly, everything around you seems to play on that and tug hard on the hearts strings...but it's just an innocent and well meaning game. The women and girls playing and cruel and/or insensitive, they're just living their lives.
When your treatment finally pays off and you are holding your beautiful, healthy new baby in your arms, are you going to refrain from beaming with pride as you tell the world about your arrival? Of course not.
Spreading awareness is the first stage of combating any disease or illness. These women are doing a good thing.
And Jonathan, I think that's taking it to a bit of an extreme don't you? Any man who kills another man over a facebook status has no place in society today anyway, that's just ridiculous.
For all those of you struggling to become pregnant, I hold you all in my prayers.
Kelly x
Kelly - Thanks for sharing your dissenting opinion in a reasonable way. I respect your viewpoint and fully acknowledge that my situation makes me react more sensitively to this "game" than others may do. And if it really is encouraging women to do self-checks then that's awesome -- I just think there's better ways to accomplish that goal, especially since the email message I received didn't say anything about self-exams but seemed more concerned with playing a trick on the menfolk, and breast cancer awareness was almost an afterthought. Also, I think there's a HUGE difference between announcements from women who truly are expecting (yes, those sting too but I don't begrudge people sharing their joy) and status updates about fake pregnancies. And as others commented above, there could be unintended results...the scenario Johnathan described is unfortunately not unrealistic. People have been shot over far less.
ReplyDeleteI think your all being astoundingly over-sensitive. And anyone who would react to a Facebook status by killing someone without asking anyone a single question is an over-sensitive, explosive person who was bound to do do something horrible, with or without the mildly misleading status.
ReplyDeleteJust don't take fb so seriously, and chill out.
Anoymous, you're entitled to your opinion. The majority of us here disagree with you, but rock on. Post whatever you want on FB, that's your business and your right, but this is my blog where I get to say what I think about it. And I think this particular meme is stupid.
ReplyDeleteI agree. This was not-so-awesome.
ReplyDelete