Monday, May 14, 2012

I'm Just Not That Into My Doctor



My doctor is not a unicorn, and this is not a fairy tale.  If it were, I would be the fair lady banished to the Barren Wasteland and my doctor would be, not the magical unicorn on which she rides safely to the Fertile Valley, but the scheming goblin who promises to remove the curse in exchange for all her gold and future riches and demands a series of impossible tasks. But after she meets all his conditions and masters his challenges through her outstanding determination strength and will, after she has given everything she has, he twists and grins and finds a loophole to slither through.  "Sorry, sweetheart, but you danced by the light of the full moon, not the new moon, so our contract is null and void. But if you want to try again I have another quest in mind.....bwahahahahah"

OK, so I have an overactive imagination.  My fertility doctor is not a goblin or an evil troll, a snake-oil-salesman or a quack.  He is a highly educated medical professional, respected in his field and partner at the leading fertility clinic in our region. He's a smarmy little automaton and I hate his fucking guts.

I hate the way he acts like he's a doctor on TV. Everything is so slick and rehearsed, down to the well-timed hand on your shoulder.  I hate his smug little grin and shiny immobile hair and his scripted responses to every question you ask.  

He doesn't like me, either. He bristles defensively whenever I ask about other treatments and protocols that I've read about online. He hates that I do my own research, question his methods and suggest alternatives. 

After my first miscarriage I asked, several times, about Heparin and Lovenox. He was pompous and dismissive: "nonono, you don't need that, you don't have clotting factors and it's extremely risky and the evidence supporting it is weak at best."

Another year, another miscarriage, and Dr Smuglestiltskin twists and grins and says Sorry, sweetheart, but you failed to keep the baby alive so our contract is null and void. But if you want to try again I have another plan in mind..."Listen, we can treat you with something called Heparin. It's been shown to be helpful, even for women who don't have clotting factors, and the evidence looks good and we're having a lot of luck with it."

So.  It's a risky and unproven treatment unless he suggests it, then it's OMG AWESOME.

This is why I hate my doctor.

So, what am I going to do about it?  I've never in my life stayed in a relationship with anyone who made me feel so helpless, hopeless, weak and wrong. When every conversation leaves me sobbing tears of frustration and self-loathing, I know it's over. When I dread seeing someone as much I dread seeing Dr S at the follow-up-to-the-miscarriage appointment that I keep putting off scheduling,  I know it's time to walk away.

But I can't break up with my doctor, can I?  

Can I?  

There are three doctors at the clinic.  Dr C is a doddering old fool who grievously botched one of my embryo transfers and is not allowed anywhere near my vagina.  I've been with Dr S for over four years and he knows my whole story and I hate him.  But Dr G seems nice.  I'd like to at least talk with him, see what he thinks about my case and where he stands on the whole Heparin/Lovenox/Pushy Patient thing. Y'know, a little first date of sorts, to see if there's a spark, if we hit it off.  

But I don't want to be that crazy bitch who's burned through the entire office.  

But maybe I am crazy.  

Maybe I'm just hoping for a Doctor Unicorn to ride in on a rainbow and prescribe a magical potion to grant me my baby-ever-after.

Maybe it's not him, it's me.


Visit Natalie Dee's blog.  It will make you smile.

19 comments:

  1. We broke up with our doctor & switched to another in the same practice...and it was the BEST decision we have made in a long time. Go with your gut. Anyway, this is about you - not your doctor or his quasi-feelings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the vote of support. Mr Wren is really reluctant for us to switch (he thinks we'll look neurotic, having switched drs twice) but he's not the one who has to have that smarmy little man poking around between his legs.

      Delete
  2. I vote for switching. It sounds like you've tried everything, except this new doctor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. I don't know if Dr G will do anything differently than Dr S, but at this point I dislike Dr S so much that not simply not seeing his face will make things slightly less stressful,

      Delete
  3. I think you need to trust your instincts and if you're questioning him, I would switch. You need to have faith in the person treating you and if you don't...how will you ever feel at peace?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right, Jen. Unfortunately, I don't have faith in anyone's ability to figure out/fix what's wrong with me, but I shouldn't spend my last attempt at IVF actively disliking and constantly questioning the doctor who's performing it.

      Delete
  4. Who cares what anyone in the office thinks of you? If you hate your dotor, and he clearly doesn't listen to a damn word you say, switch. Maybe the new doctor will be great, maybe not, but you shouldn't just stick with what doesn't work to avoid being a pain in the ass. It's your body and your baby (hopefully soon). You have every right to be a pain in the ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "you shouldn't just stick with what doesn't work to avoid being a pain in the ass" Thank you - I needed to hear that.

      Delete
  5. Omg! I thought for a minute you were describing the clinic I go to-until I saw the initials! What a coincidence. You have to be comfortable with your doctor. My husband changed oncologists halfway through treatment., and it made a huge difference for us. He talked to us like people and involved us in decision making. Very best of luck to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha! Maybe it IS the clinic you go to - C and G are not their real initials! "Dr C" is short for Cryptkeeper, because he's that old and decrepit. I was never comfortable with him and that's why I switched to Dr S. Thanks and good luck to you, and your husband, too.

      (if you think it's the same clinic and want to compare notes privately, you can email me at jenwrensnest@gmail.com)

      Delete
  6. I had my appt. today with my original RE and told him how I went for a second opinion and that doc couldn't find anything wrong with me either. I asked him again about using blood thinners for next pregnancy and he said he is not comfortable using them either if I don't have labwork proving I need it. So that's 2 docs and my regular OB telling me I have nothing wrong and I don't need it...but I feel like I have nothing left to do! Ahhhh.
    I feel your pain. I'm think I'm switching back to my original RE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what you mean, it's so frustrating when all the tests come back negative and they say there's nothing left to try. I have to do some research on lovenox and unexplained/undiagnosed RPL and see if there's anything there or not.

      Delete
    2. Hey, FWIW, I just found this while googling around - it's a comment from a message board, so take it for what it is, but still...

      "For those fighting still to get Lovenox or just to get doctors to listen to your needs please don't give up!!! I almost gave up myself and thought, okay I will try one more doctor and he was the one who finally listened to me. He said he can't explain it, but he's seen women without diagnosed clotting disorders take Lovenox and deliver healthy babies after several losses."

      Delete
    3. Thanks for the info. He is running about four obscure tests that I haven't done yet. I guess some doctor in Texas runs these tests and after that we will discuss the Lovenox again. He isn't ruling it out but said there was a case of a perfectly healthy woman at Harvard that was put on thinners for unexplained RPL and had a stroke. I guess we will have to revisit the subject after the tests.

      Delete
    4. Yikes, a stroke?! That's scary. Out of curiosity, what are the obscure tests that you are having run?

      Delete
    5. I have to get the names and I'll pass the info onto you. From what my RE said, they are off the beaten path of RPL testing. I had told time I'm done with testing and trying to find an answer (most tests have been ran more than once already on me) and he insisted we just try these last few. I'll write you when I next talk to my nurse and get the exact names again.

      Delete
    6. Thanks, K. Please do keep me posted on what the tests say and what they do about it! If you like, you can email me directly at jenwrensnest@gmail.com

      Delete
  7. hello, i would love to tell you about how i got pregnant and gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, it all happened through a tradomedicaldoctor from malaysia.. he made some portions for me, said some incantations and spell , then told me to make passionate love to my spouse on a particular date, i did and weeks later, i was doing pregnancy tests.. POSITIVE… Thanks to him. check malaysiafertilitydoctor.webs.com or mail him on doctorfertilitymalaysia yahoo.com… GodBless

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, I'm like 99.99% sure this is spam, and I know I shouldn't feed the spammers by posting their comments, but I'm kind of tickled because this is the first spam comment I've ever gotten which I guess means I'm coming up in the world, or something.

      Also, all of that about "portions" and "incantations" and "passionate love" is just AWESOMELY HILARIOUS.

      Delete