What Fresh Hell is This?

Oh hi, I'm back.

I stopped writing because for a long time I had no news to report.  Then, when I did have news to report, quite good news in fact, the very best news that an infertile bird can hope to get....well, I was afraid to write about it because I didn't want to jinx it and I didn't want to tell the internet that I was pregnant until I was sure it was going to stick, because I didn't want to liveblog my miscarriage, if that's what was going to happen.

It seems my instincts were sound.

Taking the Plunge

For weeks I've been standing on the edge of the high-dive, scared to leap off into the unknown.  I was paralyzed, unable to commit to an egg donor and unwilling to leave the safety of my ledge and free-fall into another IVF cycle.  Those waters are deep and treacherous.  Last time, I almost drowned.

But you can't live on the edge indefinitely.  Sooner or later you have to screw your courage to the sticking place, take a deep breath, close your eyes, cross your fingers and hope for the best.  Eventually you have to jump.

Weighing My Options

We've been trying to select an egg donor for the past few weeks and still haven't made a decision.

The dilemma, as I wrote the other day, boils down to one basic question:  how much does it matter if our egg donor (and therefore our potential child) looks nothing like me?

Shopping for Eggs

For the past two weeks we've been trying to select an egg donor.

In some ways, it's not so different from shopping for anything else online.

The Big Reveal

I haven't written for awhile, because I've struggled with the writing of this post.  This is the post that I didn't want to write, that I was afraid to write, that I didn't know how to write.

You see, I haven't told you the whole story.