Friday, July 8, 2011

I Hate Your Baby

and I hate this baby too

I hate your baby.   I hate your precious little birth announcements and the hospital room photos of you nuzzling your newborn.  I hate his squishy little cheeks and her sweetly pursed lips and that downy fuzz of hair.  I hate all his adorable monkey pajamas and all her darling pink blankies.  Keep that thing away from me because I hate the way the top of its tiny little head smells.

I hate you for conceiving your baby the old-fashioned way, the fun way, and that the only shots you took were possibly tequila.  I hate that your pregnancy was unplanned.  I hate that you were confident enough in your ability to carry to term that you put your 8-week ultrasound pictures on Facebook.  I hate that you posted status updates from the delivery room.

I hate the way you brought that baby into work and paraded it around like you just won the Stanley Cup.

I hate that you're taking your new baby home from the hospital at exactly the moment I'm leaving after my D&C.  I hate that your husband is bursting with pride and mine is sagging with grief.  I hate that your arms are full and my womb is empty.
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10 comments:

  1. daydreamsJuly 14, 2011 at 1:36 PM

    i hate that i feel this way too, but i do.

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  2. Jenny WrenJuly 14, 2011 at 1:58 PM

    Thanks for reading and commenting. It's good to know I'm not alone. I wish I didn't feel this way, and I'm pretty sure I won't always, but right now I really do.

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  3. AnonymousJuly 23, 2011 at 12:41 AM

    Wow! I wouldn't have had the nerve to post that, but I agree 100%.

    ReplyDelete
  4. DanielleJuly 23, 2011 at 9:46 PM

    So so true. And the craziest thing is that I'm pretty sure that baby is the one in all of my clinic's PR materials.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jenny WrenJuly 24, 2011 at 8:58 AM

    Danielle: OMG, that's a crazy coincidence!

    ReplyDelete
  6. EmilyNovember 14, 2011 at 5:30 PM

    I just found your blog after starting mine. If I had found yours first maybe I wouldn't have even started it...you're reading my mind!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJuly 7, 2012 at 2:02 AM

    Mrs Wren
    This post just put a huge smile on my face! I seriously want to repost the hell out of it but I know none of my baby having baby loving baby focused "say mamma, can you say mamma?" friends and family would get it. But so glad that you do, and even gladder that you wrote it. We might not be mommies yet but you are one hell of a writer and I damn strong woman. Allie J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jenny WrenJuly 17, 2012 at 8:52 PM

      Allie,

      Thanks again for your kind words. I have to say I'm a little surprised that I've gotten so much support for this post. I expected some people would judge me harshly, lecture me about having hate in my heart, or otherwise not get it. I'm glad you got it. Although I can understand you not wanting to share it -- that post is one of the top reasons this blog is anonymous!

      Delete
  8. kristinAugust 23, 2012 at 10:24 PM

    Oh wow, I just googled "i hate your baby photos" as I was feeling pissed off and exhausted with facebook friend's baby updates, and bam, there this was. Love.so.much. Thank you. (8 years of trying, 1 miscarriage to show for it, pretty much given up though i still hate those baby photos.)

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  9. AnonymousMay 19, 2013 at 6:09 AM

    Just got my best friend's hospital room photo of her third easily-conceived child and precious anouncement (which I deleted without reading). Yip - that's who I've become... After 5 years infertilty, one failed ivf, currently in the bcp round of my 2nd ivf - this was just what I needed to know I'm not totally crazy and on my own out here. Thank you. Thank you for putting this out there. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete

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